Men and Anger

- Well guys, Hey, I tell you what why don't we officially kick it off? And as Randy said, whatever you need to go grab, food, drinks, whatever you need to do go ahead and make yourself at home. Probably some of y'all are sitting at home, which is probably easy for you to make yourself at home there. So, anyway, look, I really appreciate Randy you being here, author, speaker, teacher, Randy Hemphill being here with us. So delighted that we get to tackle this issue. I would say one of the biggest things I really respect about Randy is his teacher's heart and his servant spirit. If you follow him on social media, you clearly hear his heart for helping guys and women too. But especially helping guys have a healthy relationship with the Lord and internal healing and all of the things that it goes into making a man healthy. Randy, you have a unique way of teaching that I think is very easy for us guys to understand. As I was telling Randy earlier, I appreciate his resource, "The Restored Man," the way he writes in that book it's very easy to kind of grasp what he's doing because it's where it's very much like a story. And I don't know about y'all, I'm very simple-minded and I tend to gravitate towards that. So I really appreciate that about you and your ministry. And so glad you're here. And guys, let me throw this out there before I turn my camera off and we turn Randy loose. If you have questions, if you'll see, you have at the bottom of the screen, you have a Q and A feature, whatever question you would like to throw at Randy, please put that in the Q and A feature down at the bottom and then before we get done tonight, we will tackle some of those. And Randy, I hope they ask you some really tough questions. You know? I mean, I hope they whip you like a hot dog.

- I know a few guys zooming in and we could get some interesting questions. We're gonna have some great ones and we'll have great time at the end doing some Q and A. This will be a subject. There'll be some questions on. So, I definitely want us to allot time for that. So yeah, guys do the Q and A, if along the way, if you get a question, shoot it in there.

- Okay. Well, Randy, are you ready, buddy?

- Ready.

- Well, you got it, man. Thanks again for being here.

- Sounds good. Welcome brothers. Man, I'm fired up to be here with you tonight and you know I would love to be in person with you. You guys, if you know me, I'm an in-person kind of guy but this is a closed second and so I'm fired up for tonight. By the way, quick thing here, before we, I want to pray over our time, but real quick in the chat, if you're joining us and I'd love to just, I'm pulling out the chat, shoot in there where you're from. I mean, I know I've got some friends here in Alabama. I think there were a couple in North Carolina, just kind of shoot in the chat there. Tell us where you're from. Kind of need to see, the beauty of Zoom is that we're all over the place and yet we're one together here, in this workshop together. So just put that in the chat. And then like Larry said, be sure as we're walking through all of this to, you know, use the Q and A as we hit on some different topics of, you know, men and anger, you're gonna get some questions, so be sure to do the Q and A. So I'm seeing some guys from wow, South... Oh, down from South Carolina, we got Auburn, we got guys from all over the place. So, so good to see you guys and welcome aboard here. Let me say a couple of quick things before we pray ourselves in. I want to, just give out a few things to kind of frame this time together. So, a couple of these points just to tell you a little bit about me, but also what the goal of tonight is. And I just jotted down four quick notes to help frame our workshop, our webinar tonight. Number one is this. I'm not an expert. So this is not something that I've got it all figured out. I don't think any of us are experts when it comes to spiritual and emotional parts of a man's journey. So I want to say up front, I'm not an expert but along the journey with you, we're going to discover a lot of things tonight. We're gonna walk together through this. The second thing is, hey, we're all broken. Some who know me, one of my phrases is we're all jacked up. Now what do I mean by that? It means that none of us have this thing figured out when it comes to life with God, relationships, marriage, friendships things like that. I think it's important to meet our brokenness upfront which gives us a teachable spirit. The third thing is God is not here to fix you, but to father you. Wow, that's important to me. Brothers, I want you to hear that upfront before we dive in. The goal of tonight is not to fix you. Fix your anger. God is not a God who's a fixing kind of God. He is a fathering God. And so he's going to use tonight to father you well. And so that's important to say. And then the final piece is just to say, let's learn together. I think one of the signs of maturity that I look for in a man's life is teachability. And so tonight we're going to be diving into a topic about anger. And I think if we have a spirit of humility, teachability about us, God is going to really show up and grow us in this arena. So before we dive in brothers, I would like to pray over this time, not just religiously to pray, but I really want God to counsel us and father us well by way of his spirit. And so let's just do that. Father right now, the next few minutes belong to you. And just like the brothers joining me, we've all come in from busy days, work, maybe kids, family, relationships, friendships. And before we dive in, God I just want us to zone in right now and remove any distractions. The next several minutes here could literally be life changing for a man. I know this is such a powerful emotion how we use it is so powerful. And so right now we remove distractions and God I just invite you right now through the camera technology all this stuff, just to father us well. You are the God, who is that personal, the ways that you father us, the way you counsel us, and so we invite you right now, God to do that in this time. Thank you for these men who have chosen to block out some time in their busy schedules to hang out with me tonight. It's an honor. It's a privilege. And I know you're going to pour into them tonight. We also bring your kingdom and goodness against the evil one. We know that the enemy hates what we're doing because we're diving into the hearts of men. And so even things like technology, WiFi, God, we just speak against the enemy. May he have no power or authority over this webinar tonight. So, all of us we pray in agreement, in the name and authority of Jesus, Amen, brothers. All right. So guys, we're going to jump in here, and at different times I'm going to share my screen with you. You will see in the chat, if you'll kind of go up toward the top of the chat, Doug put in there, a link to a just Dropbox. This is a PDF of what we are covering tonight. You'll see some of my screen images, but I would really invite you to go to the chat and pull that up. That document will be super important for us tonight. And I think it'll give you some things to chew on, once our webinar is over. So be sure to pull that up. So men and anger, that's our topic tonight. A workshop and webinar for men who are ready to grow. That's how I titled tonight, because to me, brothers if you're ready to grow, this is going to be a workshop that's going to help you. You're going to get a lot of tools, a lot of practical helps, and I wanted to begin tonight with this couple of verses from Ephesians 4. And this is that passage where Paul talks about anger. And we're gonna dive into how a lot of us tend to have negative views of anger, or even the view that anger is solely unspiritual. Well, Paul says it this way out of The Message Bible, "go ahead and be angry. "You do well to be angry "but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. "Don't stay angry. "Don't go to bed angry. "Don't give the devil that kind of foothold in your life." So what Paul is speaking to there in Ephesians 4, is to basically say that this emotion of anger is God given. God has given us this emotion, and we have a choice on how we're going to use it. Either for a hurt and destruction, or are we going to use it for good? And so that verse, I want to use to kind of frame our discussion tonight. So let's just start here first and thinking about the emotion of anger, and this is where it might be good to kind of use our chat once again. You guys, I'm very interactive. And so I would love to get some of your feedback as we're going through some of this tonight. One of my nicknames is HempDaddy. So this is welcome to HempDaddy's whiteboard. In my office here when I did counseling as a pastor and counselor, I used my whiteboard a lot. And so I've got some different screenshots here of kind of my whiteboard image. So when you think about anger, let's kind of brainstorm together. When you think about anger, what immediately comes to mind? I'm gonna pull up the chat here. And so when you hear the word anger or the emotion anger, what are some things that come to mind? Shoot that over in the chat, because we all have these different views of anger. Probably some would put, I see loss of control popping off, you know, with our anger. It is an emotion, probably harsh, yelling, righteous anger. We're going to talk about that tonight. Hostility, uncontrolled passion, Bill that's a great one there. Uncontrolled passion. Some of us when we think about anger, we tend to kind of go back into our stories. Maybe there was, you know, a father, or who always dealt with alcohol. Or a father who had anger issues. Or a father who buried anger. I know when I think about my own journey, I think about my struggles with depression over the years. And you know, we say that depression is anger turned inward. And so there's anger issues there. And so when you, I think about it, every man has a story of anger. And that story basically goes back into how did you see that function when you were growing up? Even when you think about our church experiences, we all have different ways that we've seen anger work. And so when you think about it, anger is that emotion, that though some of us have some positive experiences with anger, most of us tend to have some pretty negative experiences. In fact, I find in counseling couples and counseling men when I bring up the issue of anger, most guys have a story there. There's things they can go back to and point to, that tend to be negative experiences of anger. And so I hope that tonight gives you a much better, a much healthier framework, for how to deal with anger. So taking a look here when we move beyond just our thoughts on anger that initially come to mind, I want to frame our discussion tonight with a couple of thoughts here. And track with me because this is super important when it comes to the emotion of anger, in a man's life. Anger is both a spiritual and an emotional issue. We tend to think of anger strictly as something that's in the emotional realm, and then we tend to separate the spiritual. One of the things that I think is unfortunate, we've done in the church, the church universal, is we have separated the spiritual from the emotional. What a dangerous thing to do. Peter Scazzero, once said it this way. "It is impossible to be spiritually mature "while remaining emotionally immature." Whoa, that is a powerful statement. Isn't it? Because basically what that says is, you can be a man who is quote, "spiritually mature." You can know scripture, you can have memorized scripture, then in an accountability groups, you can have a lot of knowledge while at the same time if we have a glaring emotional issues in our lives like how we deal with anger, then really we are not mature. Because maturity in a man's life is both spiritual and emotional. And so I want to place the emotion of anger, in that kind of bringing together of the spiritual and the emotional. And so if you and I are going to grow as men, God's going to grow us in the realm of how we do anger, and that's both spiritually and emotionally. So when you think about the emotion of anger, I want you to see on the right side there, exploder or imploder. So let me ask you where you would place yourself on that spectrum. So on the one side is exploder. This is a man who takes his anger and it very much comes out. It's very much external. This is a guy, maybe through your words, your anger really comes out. Sometimes we get physical, you know, with our anger. A man who explodes with his anger has a tendency to use his anger in an unhealthy way to punish. And so these are the two unhealthy extremes. An exploder is a man who's very external with his anger. Now let's sweep on the other side. The other unhealthy extreme of anger is an imploder. Let me throw out my hand there. That's where I'm at. I am a classic imploder. And what we do if you're like me, is we imploders tend to take our anger and we suppress it. We hold it in. We tend to go passive with it. We tend to be the ones instead of punishing others outward, we either punish ourselves, or we punish others with the silent treatment. If my wife were on this webinar tonight, she could tell you some stories about that. I'm a classic imploder, which lends itself to anxiety and depression struggles. I have struggled with that over the years. And depression is very much taking our anger and internalizing it, pressing it down. Where would you place yourself on the spectrum? None of us are totally healthy in the middle of this one, you're probably either an exploder or imploder, and by the way, an interesting thing when you look at relationships is this. It is rare that an exploder marries and exploder. Rare that two imploders get married. And so when you think about your relationships even friendships at times, but particularly those intimate relationships like marriage you tend to be very opposite. And I think God designed it that way because ultimately through sharpening each other, we come to a healthy balance. Now the next piece there is to look at mom and dad. So we're talking here about exploding versus imploding. Where would you place your parents? One of the reasons we need to go there, is in order as a man for you and for me to really dig into how we can do anger in a healthy way we need to first go back in order to go forward. And what that means is, exploring your story is vital to understanding how you do anger. So when you think about that spectrum exploding, imploding where would you put yourself? And then where would you put as far as growing up, your mom and your dad? Those are the two most important voices in your life growing up as a man. And how did they do anger? Was dad and imploder or an exploder? Was mom an exploder or an imploder? Because really what happens is, as men growing up, we develop an emotional vocabulary. We learn to do our anger and a lot of that's based on what our parents showed us. And so good to kind of think there about. Framing our discussion on the unhealthy sides of anger. Are you an exploder or are you an imploder? Now next, let's think a bit more about that. When we think about growing up and once again, it's super important, in order to get present tense with how you and I can grow in dealing with our anger, we've got to go back into our stories a little bit. So what is your story of anger? How was anger handled in your family of origin? That means the family that you grew up in. So let me share one story. I've got a couple of images there, but the image of a U-Haul is a good one. So my dad growing up was a pastor. He pastored small Baptist churches. We kind of, it was the setup where about every two to four or five years we moved. I think I lived in four or five states growing up. And, you know, if you been around church long enough churches can have division, fights, you know, how that kind of stuff works. And so the typical thing would happen. We would go to a church, ministry would be doing well, and then a couple of years in, there would be maybe some secret meetings, maybe even some deacons meetings. Things would begin to get a little bit unsettled. And then my dad would kind of call a family meeting. And basically that meant, you know, we were about to move. And so I moved a lot. I went to a lot of different schools growing up. There was a lot of good in that. I think it taught me how to do relationships and new places. But here's where the anger comes in, and here's where the image of that U-Haul comes in. Every move that we made, my parents would rent a U-Haul and we'd load up all our stuff and move it to the next place. And every move, you accumulate stuff. And so that U-Haul kept getting bigger and bigger. And what I learned to do with my anger was, to in essence pack it in a U-Haul and take it to the next place. I don't think I have really learned and I'm not placing this on my parents, but it was just the nature of kind of growing up. I learned to take my anger and just pack it in the U-Haul and take it to the next place. And then the next move, my U-Haul filled with anger got bigger and it got bigger. And then when I came into my adulthood, and particularly got married to Melody, I had a U-Haul, like it was one of the monster ones, 30 footers filled with years of anger. I think brothers, honestly, I had anger toward God about some things in life. I had anger toward church people, anger toward men, women, authority figures. I just, I never paused long enough to deal with my anger. And so what happened was, me being an imploder, I just packed it down, packed it down and continued to carry that forward. And the more I carried it forward, the bigger the U-Haul got, the more my anger inside snowballed, the more my depression got worse, the more I didn't know how to express my anger. And so I want you to do some thinking tonight about what is your story of anger? How was it dealt with growing up? How did you learn to express anger or hold it in? What were those unhealthy patterns that you developed? Maybe you were like me, you'd learn to pack it in. Maybe you were that extreme or you learned as a teenager just to really let it out in kind of an explosive way. What is your story of anger? Can I just get real honest with this piece there for a second, because I think where I really, brothers, began to see my anger was in my adult years this would have been in my kind of later twenties. Melody and I went through a very difficult time in our marriage. This was the early 2000s. We got married in 1995, and early 2000s I was in Birmingham. I was actually the marriage pastor at a church, and my marriage was a disaster. And through a very difficult season of marriage, I would say, near divorce, Melody and I went through a very difficult time about eight years into our marriage. And through that time, okay, wow. It might've been some lightning and thunder. I think I had my shields fall back there. Anyway, sorry about that. We're all still good, everybody. We're all still good. Anyway, in 2003, through a very difficult time in marriage God used that season of brokenness in my life to help me see my anger issues. I don't think honestly, I ever chose to look at it. There's something about when you are going through a time of hardship or difficulty, God will use that to sort of put a finger on some things in your story as a man. And God used that season of my life to say, Randy, there are some emotional issues, under the iceberg, down deep, that you have not dealt with. And so God used that season of my life to basically push me forward to say, Hey let's take a look at these issues. And I realize there may be some men right here tonight, you're going through a tough time. And here's the thing about it, brothers, God father's best through hardship. And so if you are going through a difficult season right now, a strain in a relationship or work situation, a marriage difficulty, God is wanting to use that not to fix you, but to father you. And one of those areas probably is in the realm of anger. I think in a man's journey, the most important emotion that we have to deal with is anger. It is a powerful emotion, and I would invite you to dive into your story just a bit. So, next I want us to talk for a second about the relationship between love and anger. Okay, let's go to our next slide here. Guy's that thing behind me, that was kind of crazy. I'm glad it didn't fall on me. We're all good. So defining anger in the context of love. This is so important, not just in a realm of theology but practically, follow with me here about the relationship between anger and love. When you and I think about the opposite of love, I think most people would say hate. Some people might even say anger, anger zaps off love. Well, I think a better way to put that, to fill in the blank there is indifference. When you think about the opposite of love, that really is just being indifferent, just kind of, ah, I don't feel anything. And so what that means is, love and anger actually very much go together. If you really love someone, you are going to feel anger. In fact, if you go through brokenness in a relationship, let's say a guy goes through in marriage, a wife who had an affair. If he comes in my office and meets with me and he's just like, ah, you know, no big deal, everybody makes mistakes, I'm going to question whether he even loves this woman. Of course, he's going to be angry. Anger and love go together because if you love someone, you will feel anger. Anger is an expression of love. In fact, to quote, the great prophetic rock band from what, the seventies, The Eagles, they said it this way, it's one of those songs called, "There's a Hole in The World Tonight." The very first line says this. "They say that anger is just love disappointed." Wow, now let's let that one sink in a second. I think they're onto something there. Anger is love disappointed. When you think about the true meaning of anger, it always is related to love and the disappointments around love. Now I realize, you know, you're at a drive through somebody cuts you off at, you know, the fast food place we get angry. Well, that's a form of anger and frustration. But when you think about the true depths of anger, it's always related to love disappointed. And so what that means is as men, when we feel anger, real anger inside, it in some way, relates to the deepest disappointments in life and particularly around the disappointments of love. Maybe it was growing up love that you really needed in your life, that you didn't quite get, there's going to be anger there. Maybe it's in a relationship where you've experienced brokenness, deep disappointment. A divorce, adultery that took place, an addiction that's surfaced. And when you face that kind of disappointment, brothers, you're going to feel anger. It's important to see the relationship between love and anger because the bottom piece there, God's wrath and anger, is the heat of his love. The heat of his love. I find when I'm in conversations about what we call the God of the Old Testament, I find that a lot of us have this view, and I had this growing up. I'll be honest with you, the God with a big stick. It's almost like we have created a bipolar God, the God of the Old Testament, this angry wrathful vengeful God. And then we almost say, and this sounds crazy to say out loud, but thank God for Jesus. You know, the New Testament Jesus with a lamb around his shoulders make and model, well that's dangerous. Because God is love, period. Scriptures declare that. But in the Old Testament, particularly, when we see these scenes where God seems to be very angry almost we sometimes use the word wrath, his anger is the heat of his love. The whole reason God expresses anger is because he loves so deeply. If God saw us in sin and brokenness, in the world we live in, and express no anger, I would wonder did he really love us. Wow. Well, that's good right there. We just came through Easter. I decided this year, as I read through the Easter story to really soak on the emotions of each day of that week. I thought about Jesus with the betrayal that he went through. He had to experience anger because of love disappointed. But ultimately as I journey toward Friday, what we call Good Friday, I really thought about Jesus and the emotion of anger. Man, I can get emotional about this because I really, this year, maybe for the first time saw the depths of Jesus love because I also saw the depths of his anger. He used his anger, to be on mission, to move his life toward a cruel cross. And when you see Jesus, I mean using that, the warrior heart of Jesus, that passionate heart, he had anger because he knew the destruction of sin that was breaking relationship, that made us enemies of God. So his anger moved him toward a cross which was ultimately his expression of love. Do you see brothers the relationship between love and anger? And so what that means is, as men, if we're going to be who want to honor God, then we're going to have to learn to use our anger, if we really want to love well. What a powerful emotion for us there. So what I want to do is look at a couple of verses here before we get into some practical pieces. I want us to take a look at a few passages from Isaiah. Now, if you wanna take a look at these later, I'm just going to highlight a few of these verses but I want to use Isaiah here is a template, for how God uses his anger to love well. And so it's important, before we look at how we are to use our anger to love well in relationships, we need to see how God uses his anger. And so I want us to look at Israel's unfaithfulness, God's responsive anger, and then God's decision to restore relationship. How he used his anger to do restoration. First off Israel's unfaithfulness. So when you take a look at Isaiah 1 here, a few of verses, I'll do the stop share for just a minute. Isaiah 1, let me read a couple of these verses because we need to see Israel's unfaithfulness, that was taking place at this time in history, the Jewish nation, God's people, the chosen people of Israel, a few of these verses, Isaiah 1:2, God says "I reared my children, I brought them up, "but they have rebelled against me." Man if you're a dad and your children rebel against you, you're going to feel anger, aren't you? I think we can connect with that. Go down to verse 11. And God says, "the multitude of your sacrifices, "I have more than enough burnt offerings. "I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls "and lambs and goats." The people were doing religion without heart. They were doing the sacrifices, singing the worship hymns, attending church, but they were heartless, and God was not interested in that. Isaiah 1, you go down to verse 14, "all of your festivals that you've done, "they become a burden to me. "I'm weary of bearing with them." And he even says, "I'm not listening," verse 21, "see how the faithful city "has become a prostitute. "She once was full of justice, "righteousness used to dwell in her, "but now simply murders." So we see Israel's unfaithfulness. Isaiah chapter one begins with this picture of God's people being in darkness, unfaithful, pulling away from God, and in that, obviously you see God's response of anger. If you take it, look at chapter nine here, I'm in Isaiah, if you flip over to chapter nine, you will see, as people were unfaithful, God is deeply disappointed. These were his people. These were his sons and daughters. And so God's response is one of anger. If you look at Isaiah nine, you're going to see this one phrase repeated in verses 12, 17 and 21. Take a look at this. "Yet, for all of this, God's anger, "his anger is not turned away. "His hand is still appraised." Now that verse taken out of context, we can get this image of God. He's got this big stick. He's this wrathful, wants to kind of beat us up and punish us. Well, looking at that in context, basically what's happening here is God is responding to his people and there's anger there. They have been unfaithful. They have allowed their hearts to move away from him into just empty religion, and God's response is one of anger. He loves them so deeply that he actually expresses his anger toward them. Now I want you to see the final piece, and boy this is beautiful. Take a look at Isaiah 54 and Isaiah 57 here. God ultimately uses as anger. Israel's unfaithfulness. He loves them so deeply that he responds in anger, but now he's going to use his anger to do restoration and to do relationship. Two here, two passages, Isaiah 54:8, "In a surge of anger, I hid my face for a moment "but with ever lasting kindness, "I will have compassion on you says the Lord, your Redeemer." And then Isaiah 57. Isaiah 57:17, God says "I was enraged by their sinful greed. "I punished them, hid my face in anger. " Yet they kept in their willful ways. "I've seen their ways, but I will heal them." Boy, this is a word of hope, "but I will heal them. "I will guide them and restore comfort to Israel's mourners. "I will guide and restore comfort, "peace, I will give to them, says the Lord "and I will heal them." There's this beautiful movement in Isaiah where we see God's, we see Israel's unfaithfulness. We have been unfaithful, we're part of that picture. We have been unfaithful. And it's the nature of sin in us. God's response to that, is anger, because he loves us so deeply, he responds with anger. But he doesn't stay in that. He doesn't use his anger to ultimately even punish us. He uses his anger to restore us. And though his anger lasts for a short time, God ultimately uses his anger to move toward us in the person, the life and the work of Jesus Christ. God basically said this. God said, I'm not going to stay in my anger. I'm going to use my anger to come to you. Well, this is good. Isn't it? I'm going to use my anger to take on flesh. I'm going to use my anger to live among you. I'm ultimately going to use my anger to move toward a cross, where through my death, relationship might be restored. And then I'm going to use my anger, to a tomb that couldn't hold me. I'm going to come to life because Jesus is life. And so brothers, what that means for me and you is that God uses his anger to love, to restore relationships, to move toward us though, undeserving, God loves. And that's how he uses his anger. Are you starting to see here the relationship between love and anger? It's real important for me before we look at a few practical pieces that you and I have a very good understanding of God with his anger and how he uses his anger to love well. So an image here, anger is like a hammer. Let's take a look at this for a minute. So I've got a little visual here for us. I got my hammer here in the office. So I kind of like to say that anger is like a hammer. So when you think about a hammer, you and I as men, what's your experience with a hammer been like? Probably a lot of us would say we either grew up seeing a hammer used to build things, repair stuff. Maybe now, you use a hammer to repair some things in the house, hang a picture, build a fort. Now, recently in our backyard before the tornado hit in March, we were working on a fort back there, and so getting the kids out back with the hammer teaching them how to use a hammer, to build some things. But a hammer in and of itself, it's not a good or bad tool. It's just a tool. It's all it is. Your experience with a hammer has been using it to do good things, you would probably look at a hammer and say, that's a good tool. What if you grew up in a home where a hammer was used in a destructive way? Then when you see a hammer, you're going to tend to have pretty negative feelings and emotions about this tool. Well, if anger is like a hammer, then what that means is, based on your experience of anger determines how you view the tool of anger. And so anger is just a tool. It's not good or bad. It's not a good emotion or bad emotion. It's just an emotion. It's an emotion God gave to us. And really it's based on how we use it. You and I brothers, can use our anger to do a lot of destruction, can't we? Go back to that exploding or imploding. I look back on my life and there are times I've exploded and I have hurt others with my words. I've punished. I've used my emotion of anger to do destruction. But let me be honest. I think a place I've used my anger in a very destructive way actually is toward myself. You see, when you implode with your anger like I do, we take our emotion of anger, we hold it in, we suppress it. And I know what I do with my hammer then is I'm hurting myself. I'm taking my anger and I'm holding it in. I'm pulling away from people, pulling away from relationships, my kids, my wife, and I'm awfully imploding. Anger is like a hammer. You and I can use it to do a lot of destructive stuff, but we can also use anger like a hammer to do some wonderful things. We can use our hammer, we can use our anger to build and do some wonderful things. I want to take a look at three quick ones here. And then we're just about gonna get to some Q and A time here. But I wanted to look at three ways that you and I as men can use our anger in very productive ways. Okay. A final slide here. Three ways that we can use our anger in very healthy, good ways. And I want to break these three places down. I could give you 10 or 20 ways. I just wanted to break down three particular ways that as men we can use our anger to do good. And the first one is in the realm of spiritual warfare. As a man, you need your anger to do warfare. And it's the whole piece of using our anger funneling our anger toward our true enemy, which is Satan. And so when you think about as a man, your story has a villain. Brothers, I don't know if you've grown up knowing that, I don't know what you've been taught about this, but spiritual warfare is real. Paul talks about in Ephesians 6. And so when you think about it, Paul would say in Ephesians 6, we don't battle against flesh and blood. That coworker talking behind your back, the ex-wife who treated you badly a relationship that's very broken, that person is not your enemy. You and I have one enemy. His name is Satan and he hates me and you. If you belong to Christ, rather if you've leaned your life into Christ, you got an enemy. He hates you. And so what that means is one of the great we can use our anger, is to fight and battle against the enemy, not against some of the people that we tend to treat like enemies. And so what that means for me is I can actually use my anger to do good by getting on the battlefield, by praying against the enemy, not just putting lip service to it, but I can use my anger to do good by getting in the battle. You know, brothers, you've been given a warrior heart. And what that means is as a man, you need your anger. Okay, let me say it this way. As a man, you can't do warfare without anger. God has given you that emotion in order to funnel it toward the battlefield, toward the enemy. And I want to encourage you to use your anger to do spiritual warfare. That's the first one. Okay? Second one is this. And boy, this is an important one right here. Sex, boundaries and intimacy. Now this is a big one. This is a quite important one. We could get a whole webinar just on number two, brothers. Sex, boundaries and intimacy. We need to use as men, use our anger to do three things. Let me give you those blanks, then we're gonna talk about it. Use our anger to avoid temptation, create healthy boundaries and pursue the woman in your life. Avoid temptation. What does it look like as men to use our anger, to battle against the enemy, who is the one who tips us and learn to say no, learn to fight against the temptations that he places before us. And as men, one of the greatest realms of temptation is in the realm of the woman's sexual temptation hits all of us as men. No matter what age we are. And so if I tend to explode with my anger and punish others or I implode with my anger, punish myself I'm not using my anger and funneling it toward the enemy and toward avoiding temptation. Or when we get faced with temptation, to be able to say, no, I have to use my anger. It's an important emotion that gives you and me the ability as men to say no. Second, create healthy boundaries. Okay, what are boundaries? Let me kind of put the counseling hat on real quick here, because as a man, we need to live with healthy boundaries and relationships. Boundaries are emotional fences when it comes to relationships. And so when you think about it, when I'm in a friendship, in marriage, when I'm parenting my kids, boundaries basically say this, your emotional space belongs to you. You're responsible for that. Your emotional life, your spiritual life, your choices, your work life. Those are things, men in your realm and in your authority. And so as a man if I'm using my anger to create healthy boundaries, basically what I'm doing is I'm not creating walls. Walls are unhealthy. Walls we build up around ourselves are not boundaries. Those are not fences. Walls we kind of put up, to wall everybody off, to self-protect or maybe even to punish somebody. Those aren't healthy . On the other side, the thing that's not healthy boundaries, basically when we have no fences, we just have no boundaries in life. We find ourselves doing things we never thought we would do. Looking at things when never thought we would look at. We allow maybe others to come into our emotional space and into our, you know, emotional yards and either tell us what to do or lead us to what to do. And so basically when you think about healthy emotional fences, are boundaries that you place in your life that give you the ability to tend to your own yard, to tend to your own space. Things that do belong to you and that are your responsibility. But it also gives you the ability to protect yourself from outside forces, and even from unhealthy relationships. As a man, you cannot create boundaries without the emotion of anger. When you think about the Old Testament, God, the whole point of the law was God created boundaries for his people. He used his anger to express boundaries and to create boundaries. And he basically said, hey, here's the playing field. This is off the playing field. He didn't do it to punish. He did it out of love to say, I need to create a playing field for you. So as men, we need to create healthy boundaries, and anger is a great emotion God has given you to create those. And then the final piece there in the second realm of sex, boundaries and intimacy is that a man can use his anger to pursue the woman in his life. Now, brothers, this is going to sound crazy. I know it. I know it. You're like Randy, how in the world do you use anger to pursue a woman? That doesn't sound like it goes together. All right. Travel with me. As a man you have been given both a warrior heart and a lover heart. You bear God's image. God is a warrior. Exodus 15 says that, God is a mighty warrior. God is also a lover. He pursues, he loves relationship. He loves deeply. It's easy for us to see the heart of a man, and think of a man as a warrior and how we use anger to fight the right fights, to be on the battlefield, to protect, to defend the helpless. Certainly we use our anger to do that. But brothers, you also need your anger to fuel the lover heart in you. Here's what I mean by that. If I'm going to pursue Melody and love her, and even in the realm of marriage, pursue her sexually, intimately, I need my anger to do that. Because what I tend to do is I can take my anger and pull away from her. Maybe we're having conflict. Maybe we've had a tough day. Maybe we're not getting along. If I retreat with my anger, then do you see how that's robbing me of relationship? I'm not pursuing her, I'm retreating with my anger. And brothers that's where issues like pornography sexualizing our anger, zoning out in the hobbies, games, it's almost like anything that I can use to pull away with my anger is going to be destructive. Instead, if I can use my anger to move toward Melody, toward conflict, toward conversation, even when you know it feels like man, we're in such intense fellowship conflict here, I can use my anger to move toward her, to actually bring restoration, resolve to something in our life. You see how as a man, to pursue the woman in your life, you need the emotion of anger. Because I don't think we can love well, unless we use our anger to move toward that woman in our life. Wow, we could say a lot more with that brothers, so we might in the Q and A, but I want to say that in short form. Final piece here. So we use our anger to do spiritual warfare. You cannot do spiritual warfare without the emotion of anger. Second sex, boundaries and intimacy, you and I need our anger to love our woman well, create boundaries and to fight against temptation. And now the third and final piece. As men, we can use our anger to do grief and forgiveness. All right. Well, let me give you the fill in the blanks real quick. And then I want to talk about it for a second. Forgiveness, removes punishment, but not necessarily consequences. I wanna come back and revisit a second, but forgiveness removes punishment, but not necessarily consequences. When you and I choose to forgive, and I don't think you can do forgiveness without anger. When you think about Jesus moving toward that Good Friday, the only way he was able to lovingly forgive was to use his anger, to be on mission to forgive. So if you and I are going to be men who forgive well, we need our emotion of anger. And when we forgive, we are removing punishment. I've often been asked the question, Randy how do I know that I forgiven someone? And what I would say is this, when you no longer feel the need to punish. When you no longer feel the need to punish, when you and I forgive, we're removing punishment. That doesn't necessarily mean that consequences get removed. God forgives and removes punishment. Sometimes he leaves consequences to father us and to grow us. Next piece is don't grieve your losses. If we don't grieve our losses, we will stay stuck, that's that blank and have a small heart. If we grieve, we absorb all our losses and we have a big heart. Let me say that again before we explain it. Don't if we don't grieve our losses, we stay stuck. And ultimately a man who is stuck, has a small heart. When we choose to grieve, we in essence are absorbing our losses, so that our hearts can get bigger. That's kind of the way I like to define grief. To grieve something is not to get over it or to fix it. To grieve something is to absorb the loss, the disappointment, the heartache, absorb it. And the more that we grieve and absorb the loss, the bigger our hearts get. So what that means is when I meet a big hearted man, I mean, that's the guy I can connect with. That's the guy I want to like go on the battlefield with. A big hearted man is a man who grieves well. When I meet a man with a small heart, he's closed off. I can't connect with him. He, you know, there's a disconnect there. A man with a small heart and he can be a believer, a follower of Jesus, but with a small heart, that's a man who doesn't grieve well. Guys, we could almost do a whole webinar on this, but let me say it this way. One of the most important disciplines in your life as a man is the discipline of grieving well. I find it missing in a lot of our churches. We teach me a lot of behavioral tactics, do this, don't do this. I call it the religious assembly line. It's a set of behaviors, that doesn't include how we do grieve and how we use our anger to even grieve. But when you and I can begin to understand we go through difficulties, losses, heartaches all the time. In fact, any time the story doesn't look the way you thought it would look, that's a chance to grieve. And I find that most of us as men are a bit uncomfortable with grief. Maybe we didn't see our dad's grieve well. Maybe it feels weak. It feels too vulnerable to grieve. But I will promise you this, if you will slow down to grieve some of your losses, your wounds, your heart aches, your heart is going to get so big in that. The woman in your life will get a much bigger heart if you'll grieve well. Brothers, if you got kids, your kids need your whole heart but they're not going to get it unless you grieve well. What are some of the things you need to grieve in life? And God has given you this emotion of anger not to punish others or punish yourself. Funnel your anger toward letting yourself grieve, because grieving is a mixture of anger and sadness. And you need both of those most emotions to grieve well. So a man needs his anger. We can use it in a healthy way to does spiritual warfare. I think the realm of sex and intimacy is a super important area where you as a man needs your anger to create boundaries, to fight temptation, to love a woman well, you need the emotion of anger. And then finally grief and forgiveness. If you and I are going to the men with big hearts, man, brothers if there's ever a time in our culture we need some men with big hearts, not just religious men, we need some big hearted men. Then big hearted men are men who forgive well, they grieve well, they look at their disappointments, they don't run from them. They don't throw religious cliches over it. These are men who dig in deep, grieve well, forgive well, and that's a big hearted man. So a lot to take in brothers. That's why we gave you that document there. You can print out and take a look at it later, but I want to go into some kind of Q and A here. I know that stirred a whole lot. If you want to go into the Q and A there and throw in a question, I think there's even the way you can do it anonymously. Maybe a little more of a personal type question. Feel free to do that anonymously. We're not going to call anyone out in that way. But guys, I would say this, if you've got a question, it's probably the same question another guy has. So feel free to throw that in the Q and A, or even in the chat there, but the Q and A is a good way to do that. And we're just going to kind of move through these because I realized this is a topic that we don't tend to talk about a lot in church, men and anger, I think it's a super important topic. And I'd love for us to break this down in our final, you know, 15, 20 minutes here, because I think there's probably some good questions that we can take a look at. And there might be, I don't know if Larry or Doug are rejoining in, but we're going to take a look at some of these questions here. Let's see, let me while you guys are putting some of those in, Jason poses one here in the chat. The person I need to seek forgiveness with I don't believe will forgive me. Boy, what a great question Jason poses here. You know, it's based on the realm of forgiveness here. How do you, you know, forgive? What if the other person's not open to it? Sometimes forgiveness means restoration of relationship. That's always our hope, but sometimes you and I need to just do the grieving and forgiveness work, and it doesn't necessarily lead to restoration or reconciliation. That goes back to the boundaries, the emotional fences. What is in our emotional yard? What we're responsible for as men, is to do the work of forgiveness, which isn't just blindly quickly saying, oh it's no big deal. No, to really forgive means, you really need to count the losses. You really need to look at the heartache and disappointment and grieve it, which softly then leads to forgiveness. Sometimes that means restoring the relationship. Other times, if the other person's not willing, it means that you release that person. You're not going to punish them but sometimes the consequence of the broken relationship can sometimes remain. So that's a great question there. All right. Any other, let's see. I don't know how to pull up the Q and A here. Feel free to throw some questions in the Q and A, or in the chat, whatever you most comfortable with. The chat obviously it's a little more public there, but to be able to throw some questions, you have just in practical ways of how do we deal with anger, express it, process it, you know, in relationships and marriage with our children or there's so many different ways that this can work. So, hey, it's a good question there talking about absorbing our losses. You know, this is... It's not a way we've typically thought of grief, but I found over the years, that's a good way to kind of define it. We tend to think of grief in the realm of fixing or getting over something. So for instance, last May I lost my oldest brother. Ty was 59. And though we need to grieve a lot of things in life, death is one of those. That's the most kind of pulling it to grieve. And so after my older brother passed away last May, you know, to grieve that loss doesn't mean that I'm trying to fix it or just quickly get over it. That almost feels impersonal. But to know over the course of the last almost year, I've slowly absorbed that loss. Grief kind of comes and goes. Sometimes there's some anger with it. You know, I didn't get to have a final conversation with Ty. He was in a nursing home at the time, they were closed down due to COVID. And so I have anger that I just didn't have a final conversation with him. And then just last week, some tears set me. There was grief over just the loss of my brother and not being able to have a conversation with him. And so instead of just grieving a loss, a disappointment a wound, a heartache in your life, a broken marriage, instead of just grieving to fix it or get over it which is not even grief. What does it look like to absorb that loss continually and literally think of it. You're absorbing that loss, and the more you do that and grieve it, your heart grows, your heart gets bigger. And then you're able to give that big heart, that compassion, that love to a world that desperately needs it. And so I think seeing grief in that way is a very different kind of way of describing it. But I think it's more biblical. It's more fitting to look at grief in that way of how we absorb our losses. Yes, let's see here. I'm pulling up the Q and A. So let me read this one out. Good question here. As an imploder married to an exploder, and that would be a little bit more me, okay. And like we said in most marriages, it's rare that two exploders marry or two imploders. Normally it's opposite. So as an imploder married to an exploder, I feel sometimes like I have to blunt my anger for the betterment of the home. So kind of stifle it to better the home. She sees it as indifference. I've seen it as being respectful and honoring. I can see how maybe she's prodding me to show anger, almost, am I worth your emotion? That I overlook and start a cycle that perpetuates. Wow, that is a really good one. So let me talk to us imploding guys. And we've got a mixture here, but if you're like me and you're an imploder and my wife is just a lot more direct, a lot more outward with her emotions. And so a lot of times when I'm not responding, you know, Melody will say to me, geez, you know, don't you have some emotion about this? It feels like to her I'm just being indifferent. Like I don't care. And one of the cool things for Melody and I, you know in 26 years of marriage is this interplay now, where I think God has used our marriage to grow her in the realm of vulnerability kind of learning to bring her emotions, more funnel them in a good way. I think for me in marriage, God has used marriage to kind of call forth more emotion and to use my anger, because I tend to hide it. And so that I actually use my emotion and use my anger to move toward Melody, to do conflict, and I think sometimes we get viewed as just being indifferent or passive or just don't you care. And I would say for those of us who are imploders to actually try and work on using our anger to move toward our wife, toward the woman in your life toward conflict. And even like we said to pursue our wives intimately. I think we need to use our anger in that way. But it's tough when you grew up, like I did, with that U-Haul being carried, my anger from one place to the next. And for me, you know, just I'm one that's had to learn to use my anger in some healthy ways. And I continue to do that even now. That's a great question right there. Don, I'm trying to read your question. This question here. I'm not truly following that. Maybe re-type that one down if you could, because I'm not fully following that one there. Let's see over here in the chat. We have any other questions over here? I see a roll tide. Okay. And I know we've got some more Eagle folks in the house too. All right. Let me pull up here. Okay. Great question. Let me kind of read this one out loud. You know, secular counselors often tell people, attempt to use pride to suppress anger. Don't let others have power over you. They treat anger as inherently wrong. You haven't done that. My wife is deeply offended at an expression of anger, I've raised my voice, use profanity, it's reasonable for her to respond negatively to that. So what is an acceptable way to express anger, when anger is inappropriate? Wow, big question there. And I hope through what we've covered tonight, we've been looking at healthier ways to express anger because you and I hear that sometimes we as men can get a lot more explosive with our anger. You know, I've used my words before to injure. I think we all have done that. And when that anger begins to move outward in those ways, sometimes has language connected to it, sometimes we discipline out of anger which is never good for us to do as men. Sometimes it gets physical. That's just in, you know, unfortunate our culture, we see this a lot, don't we? We see the explosive sides of anger. And I think of that in the church, we've tended to almost want to pull the other extreme and say, well, we don't want to be there with anger. So let's pull over here and just be really nice religious guys. Boy, I don't see that in the Bible, because when I see God using his anger to love us when I see Jesus using his anger ultimately to forgive, then that tells me there is a healthy path, for us as men to use our anger, to love well, to forgive. You know, I think one things has helped me over the years is to try and just, you know, with Melody, that whole thing of using I-statements. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? But when I come at Melody, my wife and I say, well if you adjust... Brothers, how does that tend to go over? If I say, well, if you just stop this, or if you just... No, that's not going to go well, but if I can use my anger to move toward her, Hey I feel attacked by you. I feel disrespected. I felt distant for me right now. I'd really love a date night. I really love for us to have some time together. To use my anger, to express love, concern, something that's a wedge in our relationship. All of that see, I know it sounds crazy, but we're using anger to do that. Because basically healthy anger doesn't look like anger. You get what I'm saying? I think we have this very explosive view of anger when I'm using anger in a healthy way, you may not even know it's anger, but I'm using it to pursue, to be passionate, to resolve things, to love well. It's kind of basically how that works. Great question. Great question right there. So a good question here. At some point does an imploder become an exploder? Okay. Let me read it. That's a good one. At some point, doesn't an imploder become an exploder with a negative outcome? Good, honest question there. But, I think what happens in the middle of that, exploding and imploding, in the middle of that is a healthy way to use your anger to do relationships and to move closer to somebody. And so, I mean, I know for me, as I've been learning over the years to use my anger. Sometimes I'm not always done it well, but it does take some practice. It does take trying it out a little bit, in a safe relationship, I'm sure it could go too far and get negative but I'll be honest with you. As I work with and counsel men, if I'm dealing with a guy who's an imploder, I almost want to call forth that emotion, and even if sometimes he doesn't do it perfectly, that's okay, because I want him to work on it. I want him to get it out there. If it's a guy who's explosive, I want to work on taming the tongue, taking your time before you speak. Even some as simple as, counting to 10 just slow it down. A good way is to get to more of a healthy balanced view of that. And then one other question I'm seeing here and this relates more to kind of like a marriage or maybe a serious dating relationship. How do you get your partner to express their anger? I've tried multiple times to get my partner to communicate, even express her anger with me. However she holds it in. She's held it into the point that it's damaged our relationship. Wonderful question, because if you're in a relationship with maybe a woman you're dating seriously, maybe engaged, are definitely in the point of marriage where you are married to a woman who tends to be more of what I call a retreating woman. She tends to go a little more passive, a little softer with her emotions, passive aggressive type of behavior. You know, I would definitely say there, that's a place to go very carefully because I think anytime a woman retreats, let's kind of think in this way brothers, when a woman retreats, there's a story behind it. A retreating woman somewhere back in her story, and more times than not, it's in her relationship with our earthly dad, she learned to retreat. Maybe her dad was little strong with his anger. Maybe she was emotionally disconnected from dad. So she learned early on to retreat and to withhold. So when she's retreating from you, understand it's not all about you. Some of that goes back in her story. And that's where I would say to love a woman well, you need to be a student of her story. Know your woman's story well. And brothers, I'll give you a little snippet of advice here that I'm not an expert in, but I can tell you this is one of those most important areas. If you want to really know this woman well, who you're engaged to, dating, married to, you need to know a lot about her relationship with her dad. The most important human relationship in a woman's life is her relationship with her dad. It affects a woman's emotional life, her view of herself, her sexuality, as she does intimacy, all relates to her relationship with her dad. So if you're dealing with a retreating woman who's obviously there's some fear there, it probably goes back into her story. And then on top of that, there's probably layers of things maybe that have contributed to that and your relationship with her. And I would say approach it with a lot of grace, be careful with your words, but I certainly wouldn't pull back in retreat, I would move toward her, do it with gentleness but definitely move toward her and just to explore her story. I just think it's one of the greatest gifts we give to the woman in our life is just to actually say the words I want to get to know you. I want to get to know your story. And that kind of relates to, you know, you say one of question here in the chat, what do you mean move toward her? So let me give you a couple of quick examples, to move toward the woman in your life. And let me just use marriage here, it's maybe the easiest scenario. Let me give two examples. One is sexually and the other is conflict. So to sexually move toward your wife, this is in the context of marriage. It means that as men, we tend to in our restlessness and in our anger retreat, this is where the enemy puts great temptations in the realm of sexuality, pornography, pursuing other relationships. When we retreat with our anger, it's incredibly dangerous. Because we as men will isolate, and that's where the enemy, it's a devil's playground. And so instead, I want to use my unsettleness, my anger to love Melody, to move toward her, to even move toward her sexually. And to do it in a way that is both gentle and firm. But I want to move toward her with my love and toward her and pursuing her. The second piece of the realm of conflict, when Melody and I have conflict as any couple does, you know, when it did cause me and says, we don't ever have conflict, I want to say, well, you don't have much of a relationship because if you love a person you're going to have conflict. And so to move toward Melody means when I sense there's conflict, there's a wall, there's division, instead of punishing her or exploding, or instead of imploding are retreating, I need to use my anger to move toward her and say, listen, let's maybe we need a date night. Hey, I'd really like a conversation with you, or, hey that thing you said the other day really hurt. Or maybe I use my anger to apologize. Now I realized the other day I was short with you or I just didn't listen well. You see, here's the thing. It goes back to when you and I use anger in a healthy way it's not going to look like anger. Because when I move toward Melody in that way, I'm using my anger to bring resolution, to bring restoration to our relationship. And it probably is not going to look like anger, but you're going to need to use it internally to actually move toward her. And then I think maybe one final question here, I'm seeing you know, if you have two exploders? Yeah that's... Come see me counseling wise, because you know if you got two exploders that's a lot. It's just, you know, if you got two imploders as a relationship, we don't tend to just deal with stuff. We, you know, we maybe get along well but we don't really deal with stuff. When you get two exploders, it's gonna tend to be what I call a power play in a relationship or marriage. And there's always with two exploders a battle for control. And so they're learning humility and learning listening skills is probably the best thing in that relationship for sure. So let's see here. Let me take one final look at our questions. God, backs away in anger, isn't that appropriate sometimes? Sure. I mean, I think it is. You know, when you think about, sometimes we use our anger to wait till a later time to do conflict. Maybe in our anger, unhealthy anger, we're like, man, you know, we're going to deal with this right now. We're going to get this thing ironed out. Well, sometimes we use our anger to withhold and say, you know, I need to kind of cool off and maybe a little bit later, let's talk about this with level heads and kind of getting our emotions, you know a little bit more on the control. I think that's a fair thing to say there. You know, the other quick thing I'd toss out about control and anger is, and I think we all have control issues by the way. But when, you know, when we tend to operate a deep control whether it's outward control or inward control, and I'm not talking about self control here, these are the unhealthy extremes of control. It's all is rooted in unhealthy anger. When you encounter a controlling person, you encounter a very angry person. And so what that tells me, when a person is deeply controlling, their anger issues underneath that, that need to be dealt with. And so those two very much tend to go hand in hand. All right. So we got a lot of good questions answered tonight. Let me do a final, just kind of wrap up here tonight. If another quick question hits, you throw it in there but let me wrap up a few things here. Two important things. One is every guy in attendance and rather so I'm excited to share this with you and this is a gift to you. But if you will send me an email I'm going to give you my email and I would love to send you a free, and I'm going to just sign a little note in there to you. I would love to send you a copy of my latest book. It's called 'The Restored Man," Melody and I wrote a book a few years back called "30 Days of Hope For Marriage." That's a great one, a great one for married couples particularly when you're going through a tough time. But the last book is called 'The Restored Man." And it's just laying out a process for you as a man to grow spiritually and emotionally. It kind of takes this webinar, but really expands it out. I mean, it deals with a lot of different things in your growth as a man. And in fact, we've had a lot of restored man groups meeting. I think we got some brothers in Montgomery tonight, who've been working through the book joining us. And so I would love to send you a free copy of that book at no expense to you. It's just a, I'm a pull a note in there, and I'd love to mail that to you. And so let me put in the chat here, my email, and if you will just email me, your mailing address. I'm not gonna put you on some crazy mailing at thing. This is just to send you the book, but randy@lifeministriesnow.com. So email me your mailing address, and here within the next week I'd love to send you a signed copy of "The Restored Man." I pray that it will be a gift to you and encouragement and it's even gotten the back away to lead a small group "The Restored Man," small group. So definitely shoot me your mailing address to that. And I would love to send you a copy of "The Restored Man." The second kind of last thing is, you know feel free to check out our ministry website. I'm so grateful for Larry and for Doug for giving me the opportunity to join in with Alabama Baptist Men. Larry has done an amazing job leading this ministry and they do events and things for men throughout our state. So I love the partnership with them, but also feel free to check out our website, lifeministriesnow, N-O-W.com just to find out a bit more about what we do. And certainly if you have other questions you can email those to me, and I would be glad to help. But brothers it's been an honor to be with you tonight. I really appreciate just your attention, and by the way, this is being recorded. And so once this is done tonight we'll make it available to you. And it also be available to share maybe to another man in your life that you'd like to share this with. All right